pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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