When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You ruined the universe
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