I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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