Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
