waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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