I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
