don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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