I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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