Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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