John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
