My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
