All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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