im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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