I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
