She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
