i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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