A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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