he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
