dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
