did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's always time for handjobs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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