and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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