i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
false alarm, still single
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