Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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