i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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