I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
