He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
