woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
