She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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