Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
