Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
