remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
