Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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