There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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