I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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