I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
