Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
