Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
