Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
