Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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