mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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