Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
