Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
