I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were trust falling into bushes
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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