he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
