he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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