My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
