After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you.
Bad choice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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