There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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