The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
