just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
