I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
